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What are we fighting about, exactly? Being able to pinpoint what you are fighting about is the objective in any conflict. Start with addressing the actual problem IF you can even figure it out. Often, if we can’t figure out why we are having this strife, it’s likely a deeper issue than the surface things we typically battle over.
I am upset because … Why are you upset? I would feel better if … What would make you feel better? I don’t feel safe sharing my feelings, can you reassure me that I am? Do you feel safe sharing your feelings?
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Conflict comes in all shapes and sizes. Little bitty issues to ginormous beastly problems. Learning how to resolve conflict is paramount in any lasting relationship. Couples who have the skills to recognize and resolve conflict have deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Conflict resolution should be attempted in person. Sometimes it’s hard to push the words out when you’re looking at someone and having big emotions. Try sitting side by side to create a safe space to speak openly.
Text messaging has no business being used as a tool for conflict resolution. Avoid addressing or attempting to resolve any relationship conflict via text. Texts can be (mis)interpreted many ways and it’s usually not the way that you’ve intended. When you’re in conflict the LAST thing to need to add the bag is more misunderstanding.
You are in control of yourself and your behaviors only. The sooner you recognize that you cannot control anyone else, the better off you’ll be. Don’t waste your time trying to convince your partner of anything. No one likes to be told what to do and/or that they are doing something wrong. You job here is to effectively communicate your wants and needs to your partner without an accusatory tone.
Once you’ve both spilled it, see if there’s any overlap in your thoughts and feelings. This will give you somewhere to start. It’s important not to spiral into the he said/she said vortex of death.
You feel this way …I feel this way …We both feel this way …
Once you find some common ground, you can brainstorm possible solutions for these emotional frustrations. Yes, brainstorm. The first idea isn’t usually the best idea in love, life, or in business. Does this sound like work? I have an inside scoop for you. Relationships are work.
Conflict is inevitable, like Mondays and getting old. The better prepared you are to handle these pesky emotional eruptions, the quicker and more effectively you can eradicate them.
Some important questions to ask yourself.Do I feel safe expressing my emotions to my partner?Do I feel like my partner has by back.If I need my partner and ask for help, will they be there for me?Can I rely on my partner?