PHOTO: Gareth Cattermole
Dating sucks! It really really sucks - sing that to the tune from The Waterboy. Trust me, I know first hand. It's emotionally draining, frustrating, sad and expensive for EVERYONE. Our male counterparts typically foot the bill for drinks and dinners, that is true, but we have expenses a MILE long. How about that 'effortless' outfit that really cost you $500 or your fresh gel mani and pedi running you at LEAST $90? That's for starters - personal care upkeep for women is out of control. Hair, makeup, eyebrows ... the list goes on and on. It's really quite silly compared to a shower and a shave with the possibility of getting a car wash. I'm willing to bet that I have shelled out 10 times what my counterpart does for drinks and dinner, but I happily do it in my never ending quest for true and undying love. Don't even get me started on the emotional turmoil, that's a whole different article. How do you find these dates? Well, the internet of course - much to the chagrin of my father (sorry dad, I don't meet anyone at the office and I'm too old to go clubbing). In my vast experience with online dating, I have compiled some tips for your reading enjoyment. What better way to share the story - from one Amy to another? Now, I'm no Amy Schumer, but I am certainly inspired by her love story with Ben Hanisch.
For those of you who are still looking for love, be sure to check out Tinder, Bumble, OK Cupid and Match. You might consider following some of these tips to present your best self.
TIP # 1 YOUR PHOTO IS THE FIRST IMPRESSION
Use up-to-date photos that are in focus and show your face. Physical attraction is what we're working with here ladies, so be sure to show the real you. Don't hide under weird angles or sunglasses in every photo and try to avoid the every popular duck-face look. Go easy on the makeup for crying out loud. I personally used a photo of my face without makeup once and I actually got dates. I would like to add that I went on a date in the summer of 2015 makeup free and I was called BRAVE. Jeez, it was a clean face I'm not Merida. This is not even a joke, but hey if you don't like ME, then you won't like me with makeup. Simple as that.
photo: Got Celeb
TIp # 2 smile in your photos
Smile. Photos of you smiling will evoke more positive emotions than your sex kitten coy looks. If you're stoic in every photo, it will come across that your personality is somber and boring. Smiles are inviting, beautiful and show a lot more about you than a serious face. Smiles are so wonderful. Could be that I'm personally all about teeth, but I like to keep them white, clean and flossed so I can show them off. You think I am joking. I. Am. Not. Brush your damn teeth.
TIP # 3 SAVE A LITTLE FOR THE IMAGINATIONKeep a little mystery, no one needs to know your boobs up close and personal before you even meet and if they do ... then to them let's stand together and say "NEXT!" Showing your body in every photo *might* be conceived as attention seeking behavior which isn't ideal if looking for a long term relationship with someone of substance. Maybe save the bikini for a paddle-board date or a day hanging out at the beach. The SUP date happened to be a very successful first date for me. For the record, I wore a tee shirt. No boobs required to get a second date.
TIP # 4 honesty is the best policy
Be 100% honest about your age, height, job, kids, and
things that will become obvious upon meeting. Seriously. There's really
not a lot to explain here. Stop lying about things, it's not helping.
Honesty good. Lies bad. Again, lying is when you are saying things that are not true. If you need any clarification, please feel free
to email me and I can try and explain in further detail.
TIP #5 YOU WILL ATTRACT WHAT YOU PRESENTYour photos say a lot about your lifestyle, so be mindful of what you are looking to attract. If you are drinking in every photo, it will appear that you are some kind of raging partier and may have an alcohol problem. If you only post selfies, it may appear that you don't have friends. If you post photos with your ex blocked out, it may appear you are rebounding. Think carefully about how you want to be perceived and who you are looking to attract. A good mix might include a cute selfie, a photo with girlfriends, a photo doing whatever is your activity of choice and a group family photo. Save the endangered species and potato chip rock photos for home use. Guys - if you're reading - please stop posting pictures of you holding dead fish for the love of all that is holy. Thank you.
TIP #6 Say what you want - not what you don't
Be positive in your bio, we suggest not listing the things that you AREN'T looking for. It's overwhelmingly negative and counterproductive. I've seen this on the guy side, so I don't really know if it happens on the lady side, but it's such an instant turn off. I would imagine that it would be a real boner killer to any guy as well. What? It's true and you know it. Moving on. Put positive energy out there and it will likely bring positive energy back to you. Here's an example. I'm Amy and I'm looking for a fun, active, kind and honest person who is interested in a long term relationship. Queue the smile and tooth sparkle.
TIP #7 Take a risk but let's don't go crazy here ladies
Take a risk, go outside of your comfort zone. Expand your horizons. Think about how quickly you make a decision about someone when 'swiping' by them. It's instant and done in a blink, but is that how you assess someone in a social setting? No. Have you ever met someone and thought "Oh, he or she is cute." but then after talking for an hour or so they become WILDLY ATTRACTIVE? You could be swiping right past your soulmate without even knowing it. Try something new, because probably what you are doing is not working. Yes, for sure it is not working. You know it.
TIp #8 Text is the worst form of communication
Meet in person rather than spending eons of time chatting and texting. Having textual chemistry does not guarantee that you'll have physical chemistry. We can all hide behind our devices and be quick witted and clever, but that may not be the case once you're face to face. For example, I am extremely witty and my humor is dry and short via text, I have been complimented on the way I "turn a phrase," but that raised concern on the other end for fear that I might be stiff and boring. Me? Oh, I think not. Had this not been communicated to me, I would have gone on forever thinking I am the epitome of perfection in all things communication. (Insert laughter here.) I cannot reiterate this one enough. Most people cannot communicate clearly via text. See proof here.
TIP #9 WE are all over-hydrated already
Try meeting up for an activity rather than getting a drink. For some reason our society is alcohol-centric and it's just become the norm that drinking equals being social. I don't know about you, but I am not trying to be a drunk person every night. Try something different. Go for a walk on the beach or around a lake, go outside and sit on a park bench and have a conversation, go for a run and really kill two birds, get a hot chocolate or latte, eat a damn cupcake, eat anything, go watch the sunset (you might be presented with an awkward first kiss, but that is totally ok) basically do ANYTHING besides going to a bar.
Photo: Vanity Fair
TIP #10 Be you, you are perfect the way you are
Just be you. Say what you mean. Say what you feel. Have your own friends. Have you own hobbies. Have your own opinions. Stay true to you. The "one" for you will love you just for being you. Can I get an amen?