I've had three significant relationships in my life. There was the hot boy from California I met when I was 15 and reunited with at 17 when I moved from my hometown to California. We had a summer romance that rivaled any rom-com. This relationship lasted until I was 21. The next was with a super charismatic surfer who could always make me laugh, that lasted about 7 years. Finally, I fell for an artsy type who pushed me to pursue my career and that one made it almost a decade. I want to protect the innocent, so I'm sharing my Jr. Prom picture (it was 1990 - so give a girl a break). RIP my first love and boyfriend pictured above.
I ended every relationship because I felt like I was not being heard or supported. Why wasn't I being heard? It's because I never spoke up. I never expressed what I wanted or needed. I expected my partner to guess how I was feeling and what I needed emotionally. Toward the end of the latter two, I think I may have tried to express my needs, but I wasn't successful and it was too late as far as my feelings were concerned.
I was the problem
If your partner does not know how you feel or what you want - how they can be expected to meet your needs? They can't. After a while of dating and repeating the patterns, it occurred to me that I was the problem. Figuring this out was kind of an ah ha moment. I have to own my behavior and stop claiming to be and feeling like the victim. I understand that I have a responsibility of speaking up in a relationship. Of course, you need to have a partner who can reciprocate this type of communication and a relationship is a two way street.
I wish I would have spoken up. I wish I would have said what was on my mind. I wish I would have said I needed help or a hug. I wish I would have said something. It will feel scary and uncomfortable at first, but only for you because your partner will want to hear what you have to say.
I'm no relationship expert OBVIOUSLY but I do like to share what I've learned along the way. You might like 5 things that are your responsibility in your relationship or maybe you want to find out if your ego rules your relationship, or some really important things to discuss before you get married.