Photo via: Splash News
Among some of her biggest duties as HBIC, a maid or matron of honor has to deliver a stellar speech for her bride-to-be. She can go sweet and sappy (always expected and always endearing), creative and comical (heyyy there ridiculously-amazing rap MOH speeches) or, though less likely, racy and a little raunchy. T.Swift thought so when she recounted a tame albeit NSFW amorous anecdote about her bestie bride, Abigail Anderson, and groom, Matt Lucier at their wedding in Martha’s Vineyard this past weekend.
Leaked from a short video posted on one of the pop star’s most-loved fan Insta feeds, TayTay tells a tale of Abigail and Matt getting busy in the bathroom, sending the couple and their guests into total LOL hilarity. She recalls “she’s running after him, there’s falling, there’s stumbling… they make it to the bathroom and I can hear sounds that I can never unhear… and then there’s silence.” And while it wasn’t descriptive enough to be softcore status, it still obvi made the newly-minted Mrs. blush with embarrassment.
SO. By a show of hands, who’s thinking of throwing some sexy shade on their best girl? All in good fun, of course!! To make sure the raunch is still decidedly respectable, we’ve rounded up some tips to keep in mind.
Photo via: Splash News
Keep the risque details to a minimum
If you’ll be outting your best friend for a particularly memorable premarital romp, do it with just a few tawdry tidbits. By sparing wedding guests all the steamy circumstances and letting them connect the dots, the LWYMMD singer spun a scenario almost straight out of one of her earlier love songs. Running after each other, falling, stumbling… actually sounds pretty romantic, right?
Promise you were a party to…
In most cases, private moments like these are truly off limits for speeches… Just because your friend confides in you, doesn’t mean the story is to be shared with everyone. But if you happen to be present during it all, we guess you have more license to let it loose… More of a “I remember when these guys had a crazy night way back when… and now here we are at their wedding witnessing their one-of-a-kind love” kind of nostalgic take…
Make sure you call out the right Mr…
If you’re thinking of whipping out a naughty narrative from your friend’s past, make sure it includes her CURRENT partner… there’s nothing worse than digging up some dirt on the bride only to shame her in front of her bae and nearest and dearest. So, if the memory in mind, say that notorious Spring Break in Panama City… didn’t feature your bride with her groom-to-be, it’s best to keep that titillating treasure buried for the time being.
Know your audience
You don’t have to be a stadium-sell-out songstress to know what your audience wants in a noteworthy toast, but you should do your research to determine whether an R-rated recollection would be appreciated or disparaged by the crowd. If you know the bride and groom have family members with super conservative, religious considerations, maybe hold onto the hot and heavy account for another occasion.
Say it sober
It goes without saying that your MOH speech should be buttoned up (pun totally intended :), but seriously don’t get sloppy with it. When the mixed drinks are flowing and inhibitions start going out the window it’s easy to get sucked into a time warp and furnish fuzzy blow by blows - cue the mouth open- 😮 emoji. So, keep it classy and maybe think about nixing the liquid encouragement until after the speeches have concluded.